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Scorpions: Sting in the tail

28/10/10 || sly

One score and six years ago the Scorpions brought forth, upon this world, “Rock you like a hurricane”.

And they probably should have stopped while they were ahead.

Throughout the decades Ze Scorpions have offered up some undeniably classic rockin’ tunes, as well as some truly odious rubbish.

Comrades, today I am here to inform you that “Sting in the tail” smells worse than my armpits on an arid August day in steamy Arizona. (And my armpits reek even throughout the Parisian winter).

The opening track proves itself a fraudulent harbinger of what it would have you believe to be a tolerable album. “Raised on rock” has the typical Scorpions riffs, employs some cheesy talkbox, and could certainly never be mistaken for a genuine ’80s song. But it is a fairly decent attempt.

However, “Sting in the tail” is alarmingly reminiscent of AFI, “Slave me” sounds like Ricky Iglesias or whothefuckever trying his hand at ’80s metal, and “The Good Die Young” “features” former Nightwish vocalist, Tarja Turunen.

… ? …

Perhaps I am only a silly lass, but I thought the purpose of a “featured” guest was to increase the quality of the music and stimulate the interest of the listening audience. If it was “The Good Die Young- feat. Blackie Lawless” it might be understandably intriguing.

But Tarja?

I can’t help but to speculate that those dried-up old knackwursts realized that their own fan base hasn’t given a shit about them since “Wind of change”, and decided to take a crack at somebody else’s.

But Nightwish?

Well, anyway…

Thankfully “Rock zone” steers things back toward the likes of “Raised on rock”, i.e., comparatively listenable. Still, Ole Klausey’s vocal cords are noticeably weathered and strained; they definitely lack that Dio-like elasticity.

Initially, I was somewhat secretly pleased to see a track called “SLY”, but it is a downright embarrassment now. It is well-nigh the worst song on the album. An atrocious ballad. I couldn’t even listen all the way through.

The lyrics are as meaningless and inane as ever. The first lines of “Spirit of rock” are a prime example:

“We are in the ocean
Every kind of fish
We are a human rainbow
We are whatever we wish
We have been forever
And we shall always be
We can endure whatever
We are eternity

The spirit of rock will never die
Just like a rock in the ocean
In the spirit of rock we’re flying high
Always high on emotion
The spirit of rock will never die
I swear Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah”

Just read that through once more.

There is a reason why, in ’80s/‘90s America, the term “eurometal” was derogatory and unfavorable. Here is why. With “Sting in the tail” Scorpions have provided yet one more specimen of everything detestable about “anthemic” German metal.

If you are nostalgia prone, do yourself a favour and keep away from here. Go listen to “Love at first sting”. I just don’t see the point of putting up with a bunch of old farts who should have called it a day twenty six years ago. Remember them for the good stuff and pretend they’re dead.

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Universal Music Group
Website: www.the-scorpions.com
Band
Klaus Meine: vocals
Matthias Jabs: guitar, vocals
Rudolf Schenker: guitar, vocals
Paweł Mąciwodas: bass, vocals
James Kottak: drums, percussion
Tarja Turunen: vocals on “The good die young”

Tracklist
01. Raised On Rock
02. Sting In The Tail
03. Slave Me
04. The Good Die Young
05. No Limit
06. Rock Zone
07. Lorelei
08. Turn You On
09. Let’s Rock
10. SLY
11. Spirit Of Rock
12. The Best Is Yet To Come

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